Scavenger Hunt

A few weeks ago I challenged myself to recycle and use the fabric in my languishing fabric storage bin. Like a silk purse made from a sow's ear, my journal cover has a few interesting quirks. Let me tell you about them...

- It's 100% hand-sewn (because I made it entirely in the car on a 9 hour trip to Tennessee!)
- The playing card is from an Asian deck Rhonda gave me for my birthday. Very cool.
- I made the cover from a canvas drop cloth and a piece of metallic painted fabric I created in a surface design class back in March. I'd been saving it for just the right project...

- Incorporated into the design are a part of my daughter's faux suede belt and a "retired" Clorox Color Catcher. Also, spare trimmings from an art quilt my mother made my 4 year old niece and a pink button that my six-year-old design consultant insisted was the only button good enough to grace this journal. "And right there too, Mommy." (ONLY right there!)
- Included with the cover are THREE spiral journals to get you started on your way to creatively converse with God.

Want it?
All you have to do is a little scavenging:

1) Go to the the SoulPerSuit website and click on "Articles." Read Rhonda Oglesby's article entitled, "Refrigerator Art," and give your answer to the following question here in the
SoulPerBlog comments section:

What is the name of the child's favorite stuffed animal?

Badabing! If you can answer that question, you've got yourself one entry in the SoulPerSuit Drawing Deck!

2) Want to get your name in the SPS Drawing Deck another time? Write your thoughts about "Refrigerator Art". Because I really want to know what you think of the idea, I'll give you a second entry in the SPS Drawing Deck, just for talking about it with me.

3) Want another chance at it? Tell a friend to stop by and play the scavenger hunt. Have them mention your name, and you get a THIRD entry in the SPS Drawing Deck!

4) My non-partial Deck Drawer/design consultant (of six years old) will help me by drawing the winning name on Wednesday, Dec. 13th. I'll announce the results here on SoulPerBlog, contact the winner, you'll give me your mailing address, and this lovely hand-stitched journal set will arrive at your doorstep just in time for Christmas! (And hey, if you live locally, I might even hand-deliver your prize over a piping hot cafe mocha from a locally-owned, independent coffee house. Prizes, coffee, conversation... it's gettin' better and better!)

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, the line forms to the right!

* Let me mention that SoulPerSuit is getting ready to kick-off a new session after the holidays. We'll be taking a 6-week look at the Sermon on the Mount, using Sandra Glahn's, Mocha on the Mount. You can purchase the studies at Christian Book Distributors, Amazon.com, and Barnes and Noble. This journal I've made is the perfect size for a SoulPerSuit Bible study.

** Let me also say that this scavenger hunt drawing is a v e r y thinly veiled invitation for those of you who have never done an on-line SPS group to join in! If you are interested in the next group or have questions about SPS, please please do let us know. ("Us" being Rhonda and me.)

Scarey First Date

In honor of the Halloween season I thought I would tell the story of the first date My Geek and I went on (even though it occured in April).

When My Geek and I met, we talked on the phone a lot and did things with our single friends. I thought that he was interested in me but, if so, he was taking his sweet time asking me out.

One day while talking on the phone we discovered we both loved Stephen King. I was really excited about having this in common until he mentioned that Pet Semetary was out in theaters. I felt a chill go up my spine. "Oh, great. He's going to ask me out now, I just know it."

Sure enough, he did. He had finally asked me out on the one date I didn't want to go on.

You see, what My Geek didn't know is that I can't stand horror movies. Not that I dislike them but that I can't tolerate them. I'm easily spooked and tend to have nightmares for days after seeing even the tamest ones. It may seem like a contradiction to be able to read Stephen King but not be able to watch it. The only way I can explain it is that I'm very visual. When I read a book, even with the author's graphic descriptions, the imagery is left up to my own imagination. In a movie, I am subject to someone else's imagination which usually is more graphic and horrifying than mine. They suggest things I never thought of before.

But I had to risk going. Since he had finally asked, I didn't want to say no. I had read Pet Semetary. I knew absolutely everything that was going to happen. I could handle it, right?

My memory of that date starts after the movie had started. Since it was our first date, I didn't feel comfortable hiding my head in his shoulder so I hid behind my hand. It seemed worse that I knew what was going to happen next. I got more worked up as each scene passed. ("oh no, this is where the biker gets killed." then "Oh no, this is where the biker comes back.")

The scene that finally got to me was the first time they showed Rachel's sister, Zelda, who had spinal meningitis. If you've read the book, you know what I'm talking about. I decided I had gotten in over my head and had to bail. I leaned over and whispered, "I've got to go."

"O.k." he said. He didn't move. I didn't understand his reaction. (Later he said he thought I needed to step out to the bathroom.)

"No, I have to leave. I can't watch this." Recognition crossed his face.

I figured that I had pretty much ended this relationship before it had a chance to get started. The guy spent money on a movie he didn't even get to finish. (He went back later with a friend to see it.) He was kind enough to take me for ice cream where we sat in the grassy median and watched the traffic at the Skillman/Audelia/635 intersection. Little did I know that in almost exactly two years we would be living as newlyweds around the corner from that very spot.

Other horror movies I never finished watching:

• Salem's Lot


• The Exorcist


• The Shining


• Halloween


• Scream


• Vampires (w/James Wood)


• Nightmare on Elm Street

NOTE: In doing research on Pet Semetary, I read a few reviews that referenced the Zelda scene as one of the scariest they had ever seen. I feel vindicated.

6-Word Story

My artistic leanings are not in the area of writing but I know that most of the people who read here are writers. I found the article, Very Short Stories, in this month's issue of WIRED magazine really fun. It starts: "We'll be brief: Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work."

The imagery and emotion projected from just those six words is amazing. WIRED went on the ask several sci-fi, fantasy and horror writers to contribute six-word stories. You can find their contributions here.

On Erin's blog she had you write a poem based on the letters in your comment's Word Verification code (I'm still working on mine). How about posting a six-word story here? Here's some of mine:

STEP ONE: Stab syringe into heart.

Scan negative. No life forms. Next.

"Beautiful."
"Really? How can you tell?"

"On the outside..."
"You! Shu'up!"

Astrophotography

Recently I saw the most amazing photo of the Atlantis Space Shuttle and the International Space Station silhouetted against the enormous golden sphere of the sun. The talented photographer who took that photo from the surface of the earth was Thierry Legault who lives in France. (More.)

Check out the great photo gallery on his web site. I wonder if this is what God's perspective is like on a daily basis? What do these images tell you about the Creator?

(Please be respective of Mr. Legault's work. It is copyrighted so you may not use his photos in your publications or the web without his permission. NASA has thousands of photo and videos on their website that are copyright free!)

Being Obedient the First Time

It's wonderful how My Geek makes me feel safe. I'm a tough broad and can handle a lot (I think I can handle everything), but the biggest relief in my life has been to discover that I don't have to. Despite my tendency to control or force things in my life, he has insisted on wrestling from my hands the role of protecting our family. Once I began to release, I realized how tired and relieved I was.

Given the dangerous reality of our world today, we often talk about how to handle emergency situations. Many times while watching dangerous or threatening scenes in shows like "24", "Jericho" or "Lost", I'll ask him, "What should she have done?" or "What should I do if that happens to me?". One thing that I struggle with is doing what I'm told. I always think that I have a better way. My Geek is trying to get me to listen to him. "If I ask you to do something, please do it." I trust him implicitly but I'm still learning to let go. (I'm not about to admit I'm stubborn. He reads this blog.)

To my immense disappointment, I failed at a simple task the other day.

"Would you please go out to our providers web site and logon to my e-mail account."

Sounds simple doesn't it? But I didn't do what he said. Within 10 seconds I was already reasoning.

"I don't have to go out on to the web site. I can just bring up his mail account setup directly on my computer."

The second I clicked I knew why I had messed up but it was too late.

The technical aspects of this aren't important. What is important is that I realized I wasn't ready. I knew that if I had been Kate on "Lost" and Jack asked me to not follow him into the jungle, I would be just as stupid as she was and follow. (By the way, I'm the one yelling at the TV the loudest, "She's so stupid. Why doesn't she listen to him?")

This is the exact same problem I have with obeying God. He asks and I reason. "There is a way which seems right to a man…"(Prov 16:25). Most of this is connected with pride but some of it is personality. Either way, I need to renew my mind to learn to be obedient the first time.

(Please don't stretch this beyond what it is. My Geek is not training me to be a doormat and he's not a chauvinist. If you knew us you would know how ridiculous that is. He values and respects my contributions and intelligence. We've just agreed, in an emergency situation, someone has to be in charge and it is he.)

"I'm not a dirty player."

This weekend Tennessee Titan defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth was ejected early in the third quarter after he kicked Dallas Cowboy center Andre Gurode in the face (see story).

I find Haynesworth's comment about the situation highly amusing and very familiar.

"I apologize to Andre," Haynesworth said. "What I did was disgusting. It's something that should never happen. I mean, I'm not a dirty player. I don't play dirty. I have respect for the game. What I feel like is I disgraced the game, disgraced my team and disgraced my last name."

I hate to tell Mr. Haynesworth, but he is a dirty player. He may not have been before this incident. We'll never know. The thing is, he was capable of it and he finally let himself follow through.

When I was growing up there were the "bad girls". I was raised to believe these included girls who smoked, drank and had sex outside of marriage (a very legalistic viewpoint). No matter what I did, I convinced myself that I was not one of "them". But I regularly walked the line on these issues and sometimes plunged over it! You didn't needed instant reply to see the real truth in the lie I was telling myself but as long as I was the line judge, I could call it any way I wanted.

Then one day, like Haynesworth, it was evident for all to see. I wasn't a "good girl"; I was "the other woman". It's a horrible moment: to finally look into the mirror and call yourself what you are. But it's also the beginning, if you'll let it be. I knew my life had hit rock bottom and it was time to let God take over as line judge… and coach (only He can do both). I would give anything not to have that moment in my life but it's a reminder of what I'm capable of and how long and easily I can lie to myself.

Meet My Muse

I was inspired by the post, My True Muse, on Jason Glidewell's blog. After finding his true muse, he challenged his wife to do the same by picturing herself "in the midst of a painting splurge, when it's just going perfect." Closing her eyes, her imagination filled in an image of her muse.

I'd never thought about my muse before. What does the inspiration that comes from inside of me look like? I felt challenged to do this because I have a very familiar pack of critics that I invite. (Just to name a couple: Rob - 6'6", lanky, 60 years old, doesn't listen to what I have to say, doesn't take me seriously because I'm a woman. Al - short, tubby, never really looks at my work and always has the same thing to say, with a big politician smile, "Isn't that cute.")

I need to have someone to invite to the party when I need someone on my side - someone tough and daring who can fight these jerks.

Meet Amy Jett.

(I wrote this sort of stream-of-consciousness, without correcting or changing. Some of it doesn't make sense but I'm just getting to know her.)

---

My muse is Amy Jett, a 47 year-old rock 'n' roll chic who has a fascination with the sirens in old black and white movies.

She is extremely passionate and her main job is to encourage me to go for it. She makes it completely safe to experiment and try anything. She’s all about producing – making as many works of art as possible without stopping for hours at a time. To get me out of my comfort zone she'll ask me to do crazy things like paint in the nude or dress up like Blonde and make a music video.

She wears an original Aerosmith concert t-shirt. Her record collection is a museum of rock 'n' roll classics. She claims to have been to over 2000 concerts and at one time lived in a van with Iggy Pop.

She's 5'11" and flat chested. She's a redhead but has been known to dye it black for the right concert.

She drives a 1969 Ford Mustang.

She eats weird stuff like pizza without cheese or egg white omelets with nothing on them. The only vegetables she eats are mushrooms (fried or on a pizza), potatoes (French fried – she calls it manna), and peanut butter. She doesn’t drink soda – only water and coffee (which she calls the elixir of the gods).

She loves tequila, mostly after lunch. She loves cigars, mostly after dessert. When she's drunk you think she's sober and when she's sober you think she's drunk.

She loves poetry and writes it constantly. She has some of her more foundational verses inked on her back below a tat between her shoulder blades that says "HIS" in gothic print. Her muse is the guy in Klimt's painting, The Kiss. She admires the poetry of Prince, Mark Knopfler, and Norah Jones.

She sings all the time and plays the guitar and piano.

No one is sure where she lives because she never seems to go there. When she's not around, you think that she's gone home to sleep, shower and/or change clothes and then you find out she's at someone else's house jamming or reading poetry at The Garage.

---

Well, there she is. She makes me feel strong and couragous. I want to get use to having her around.

Nobody Asked Me, But...

I have turned this story over in my elementary-school mind since I was, well, in elementary school.

Do you have a few choice words in the English language that you consistently find hard to spell correctly? Either through speedy-fingers-at-the-keyboard or just lack of mind power, I have a few.
Occassion, ocasion, occasion, occasion- is that 2 "c"s and 2 "s"s?
Vacuum- I always missed that in spelling bees!
Anything requiring the "i before e, except after c" rule. Because it's not always true, dang it!
And here's another, (which is what this post is really about)

Brain.

Can't tell you how many times I've written that simple word, attempting to reference the cerebrum, cerebellum and cerebral cortex, only to look at it and see I've actually written the word, "Brian." Who the heck is Brian?!

Stick with me here.

Then I began to think, wouldn't that be funny if it really is Brian instead of brain? What if we all have a little guy inside our heads, directing our movements and thoughts like a Stormtrooper operating an Imperial Walker on the planet Hoth. And it's all just a spelling mistake. What if it really is Brian up in there, and here this fool brain has been getting the credit all this time?

Brian has got to be pretty ticked. And I'm positive he's got some kind of lawsuit pending against the whole of mankind. Libel, slander, misrepresentation, something like that. I just hope he continues to steer my lump of flesh around for a few more years. (Sorry, Dude. How much back pay do I owe ya?)

That's the book I'd write, if ever any publisher could get over wetting their pants with the inanity of it all.


My sequel would be a coffee table book full of photographs of the nursery set-up for all embryos in-utero. I really did used to think we all had play pens, rocking chairs, teething toys and braided rugs on the floor in our warm womb-y homes. Just on a smaller scale.

This post is in response to Michelle's, "What I'd Write if I Could Write a Novel."

There's Still Time to do Something Big

It seems I have accidently run across a theme in Doing Something Big: the desire, the disguise and, this week, the discipline of it.

There's nothing wrong with the desire to be a part of something significant. We need to have a clear head, thoug, about what is significant: making a million dollars as a basketball star or being the best friend we can possibly be.

Significance is overlooked because it is disguised as "average". Everyone is gifted and everyone is unique. Being average simply means maintaining balance which leads to happiness. How quickly our society creates and disposes of their number ones.

This week I read about David Galenson's discovery of two creative disciplines. His research came about because of his nagging desire to do something big:

In graduate school, he watched brash colleagues write dissertaions that earned them quick acclaim and instant tenure, while he sat in the library meticulouly tabulating 17th- and 18th-century indentured-servitude records. He eventually found a spot on the University of Chicago's Nobelist-studded economics faculty, but not as a big-name theorist. He was a colonial economic historian - a utility infielder on a team of Hall of Famers.

Being an art economist, his initial research plotted the relationship between an artist's age (X) and the value of his or her paintings (Y). He discovered two distinct patterns: those who peaked early and those who peaked late. He calls these two groups the conceptualists and the experimentalists.

Conceptualists make bold, dramatic leaps in their disciplines with their breakthroughs coming at an early age. They know with certainty what they're trying to create and when they've created it. Picasso created his revolutionary Les Demoiselles d'Avignon when he was 26.

The Experimentalists work by trial and error and make their breakthroughs later. They never really know when their work is finished. They do not preconceive but figure it out as they go. Cézanne is a good example. His most valuable works are the ones he painted the year he died.

I like to think of myself in the last group. I've been feeling like my time has passed to be a part of something big. But I guess what I said in my original post may be true. I've only just begun. The idea is to not give up and just keep at it.

(Check out Galenson books on the subject. They sound really interesting: Painting Outside the Lines: Patterns of Creativity in Modern Art and Old Masters and Young Geniuses: The Two Life Cycles of Artisitc Creativity.)

Book Tag

I got tagged by my friend Erin in a blog-based chain survey. Here are the obligatory questions and my answers.

1. One book that changed your life: The Stand was my teenage introduction into adult literature. From Nancy Drew to Stephen King. BAM!

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: The sci-fi classic Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. Card is a captivating writer who's great with paiting a picture.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: The Histories by Herodotus because the only way I'll ever get around to reading this book is if I'm on a desert island.

4. One book that made you laugh: The Essential Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson, who has a keen grasp on the world of 7 year old boys. Heck, he probably is a 7 year old boy.

5. One book that made you cry: Wild At Heart by John Eldredge because it allowed me to understand My Geek on a deeper level.

6. One book that you wish had been written: No One Likes You When You're a Bitch. (That's a great title! I should use that.)

7. One book that you wish had never been written: Having It All by Helen Gurley Brown. This is one of three books that taught me how to be a bitch in the eighties.

8. One book you’re currently reading: Cosmic Banditos by A. C. Weisbecker. I picked this up because it's been made into a movie starring John Cusack, one of my favorite actors.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Anytime I talk to people about postmoderism or Rob Bell's book, Velvet Elvis, they say, "Have you read Blue Like Jazz?"

10. Now tag five people: This may die with me. I only know of only five people who read my blog (*blush*) and they've all been tagged except for My Geek. If you are like me and read a lot of blogs but rarely post, please take this opportunity to post a comment here and say "Hello."

Willa's Flic Pic: Love Liza * * * *

Check out my review this week for Love Liza. Another stunning performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman with a screenplay written by his brother, Gordy.

No One is Average. Well, Bob is.

Kevin O'Keefe is the author of The Average American: The Extraordinary Search for the Nation's Most Ordinary Citizen. I heard him in a radio interview several weeks back. I wish I could remember which show.

Through extensive research that took him on a tour all across the US, O'Keefe determined 140 qualifications that define the Average American. Here are just a few:

• eats peanut butter at least once a week
  
• prefers smooth peanut butter over crunchy
  
• can name all three stooges
  
• cannot name all three branches of government
  
• takes a shower for 10.4 minutes
  
• never sings in the shower
  
• lives within 3 miles of a McDonalds
  
• lives within 20 miles of Wal-mart
  
• lives within 2 miles of a public park
  
• is better off financially than their parents
  
• does not make more than $75,000 a year
  
• believes in God and the literal truth of the Bible
  
• holds some views that the church deems sacrilegious
  
• attends church at least once a month
  
• has fired a gun at least once in their life
  
• spends 95% of time indoors
  
• owns an electric coffeemaker
  
• thinks abortion is morally wrong
  
• supports the right of an individual to have an abortion
  
• owns at least one pet
  
• drives a car at least 8 years old without vaniety plates
  
• would rather spend one week in jail than be president
  
• will, on occasion, pee in the shower
  

Even though he had statistically determined the parameters that defined "average", he was never quite sure whether any one person really existed that fit every one of them. He finally came up with one candidate, Bob Burns, but he had to interview him to be sure. He left Mr. Burns a message explaining his research but Mr. Burns did not respond. O'Keefe's hopes heightened. (The average American does not want to be famous.) After making a personal visit to Mr. Burns' home O'Keefe concluded that he had indeed found the average American.

How does Bob feel about this?

"What an honor."

Check out Kevin O'Keefe's commencement address at Eagle High School to find out what's so important about being average.

Willa's Flic Pic: Bubba Ho-tep * * * *

This week I'm reviewing one of the few horror/thrillers I enjoy. Check out my review of Bubba Ho-tep.

Doing Something Big

Lately I've been having these feelings. A yearning. Of wanting to be a part of something "big", something significant. It's hard to explain. I want to stand out in my area of expertise, to be recognized in my field. It's not about being popular or famous but being sought out or referred to because of my reliability and value. This desire coincides with getting the above fortune from Mr. Lu's and reading The Bone Woman by Clea Koff.

Koff, a forensic anthropologist, was twenty-three when she went to Rwanda on the UN's first Internationl Criminal Tribunal to collect evidence of genocide. For years she knew she wanted to fight human rights abuses by reading their bones and speaking for them. She describes a day "at work" while in Bosnia:

Nine hours of clearing earth from on top of bodies and disengaging their limbs from one another for transfer to body bags was uniquely mellowing and fulfilling for me.

This is someone who has passion and drive and a clear sense of their own purpose. I think most struggle their entire lives hoping to find their purpose or that someone would simply tell them what it is. Yes, yes, my purpose is to glorify God. But how? We each are uniquely gifted so why is it that we are so confused about it?

I don't think knowing my purpose before the fact is necessary. The only necessary thing is doing. Making choices. Taking risks. Listening. Moving. Clearly defining my purpose ahead of time is not a requirement of accomplishment. In doing I discover purpose. "I should've studied anthropology." "I should've __________" is not moving. It's avoidance, denial, and rejection.

Don't misinterpret this post. It's really a personal pep talk not a sermon. When these feelings first cropped up I asked My Geek, "What possible significance could I be a part of? I'm so... average." (Insignificant was actually the word I thought.)

I'm not sure why I'm having these feelings of being a part of "something big". It could be because I'm getting older and I'm looking at the sum of my life and wondering if it adds up. It could be how the popular culture rewards pompous and unprincipled behavior. Or it could be that I have only just begun.

Willa's Flic Pic: About A Boy * * * *

If you liked High Fidelity, you'll like About A Boy.

Willa's Flic Pic: The Final Cut * *

This is a sci-fi movie I'm reviewing over at Drool on the Frog.

Tired, Weak, and Out of Control

I haven't mentioned it here before but, since about 1981, I've had chronic headaches. Starting in 1988, about every 18 months, I would have a headache so severe I had to go to the emergency room. In the past 4 years they've gotten increasingly worse. I now have a headache like that about twice a month. The doctor tells me it gets worse with age. I am in pain about 95% of the time.

I find this topic incredibly difficult to talk about. My personality doesn't allow it. I am first-born and a classic A-type. Success, to me, is never failing. Never. Failing, for me, is:

• never being tired (I finish ALL projects I am committed to on time),
  
• never being weak (I am never sick and I am strong enough to do any job ALL by myself), and
  
• never being out of control (I manage ALL situations to ensure my success).
  

Any wonder I have chronic headaches?

It's hard to take responsibility for the headaches. Naturally, I consider them a failure. In an effort not to fail, I failed.

Emotionally and spiritually I'm making progress, if not physically. I'm doing the mental reconditioning that I'm accepted as I am. The disappointing thing is that the damage is done. Twenty-five years of abuse are living in the nerves, muscles and bones of my neck, shoulders and chest.

Through all of this, I have questioned everything. Why doesn't God answer my prayers? What am I doing wrong? What does God want from me? What purpose does this serve? How can I serve God when I can't get out of bed?

Recently my pastor mentioned that similar questions were addressed in a book by Philip Yancey called Disappointment in God. I couldn't wait to get the book.

I've been angry, hopeless and disappointed in God. This book has done a lot to get me talking to Him again. I learned that God only wants two things: He wants us to trust Him (faith) and to choose (love) Him. This may seem like a pat answer but Yancey gave me a new perspective.

"For Job, the battleground of faith involved lost possessions, lost family members, lost health. … But the more important battle, as shown in Job, takes place inside us. Will we trust God? Job teaches that at the moment when faith is hardest and least likely, then faith is most needed." - Disappointment in God, Philip Yancey

I'm disappointed in myself for not standing by God when I was unsure why things were happening the way the were. I feel like a spoiled child or demanding lover who hasn't gotten her way. Our relationship is for better or for worse.

I don't know what's going on in God's world, the spirit world, so I have to trust that He's doing what is best for me. I don't see what battles are raging in the heavens over my prayers. I don't hear the groans that are made for my case. I don't feel the turmoil and intensity that rages in the universe... for me.

I can't tell you why it is that God doesn't heal me. I don't know and I've got to stop trying to answer that question. I need to have faith in what I do know. I know that God is extremely emotional over me. I know that God's desire is to wipe away all tears but that won't happen on this earth. I know my prayers reach God. I know, like a parent over a suffering child, God aches over every minute I'm in pain.

"But what if I create a universe that is free, free even of me? What if I veil My Divinity so that the creatures are free to pursue their individual lives without being overwhelmed by My overpowering Presence? Will the creatures love Me? Can I be loved by creatures whom I have not programmed to adore me forever? Can love arise out of freedom? My angels love me unceasingly, but they can see Me at all times." - The Time Falling Bodies Take to Light, William I. Thompson

Love is precarious. I've always said that given the right circumstances, any two people can fall in love. Love wanes and cannot solely sustain a relationship. What does? Choice. Everyday I may not love my spouse but everyday I choose him. It's conscious and calculated. Everyday I want to choose God. When God and I stand before naysayers and critics I want to choose Him. When I face "for worse" I want to choose Him.

Color-By-Numbers

For those of you who, like me, got in trouble for drawing on the walls as a child...

Jenny Wilkinson Design offers a paint-by-numbers wallpaper. So rise up, crayon in hand, and have at it! There is therefore now no condemnation for those who choose to color on the walls of their own home.

Willa's Flic Pic: A History of Violence ½*

Here's my first really bad movie review. Let me know if you think I'm wrong.

Willa's Flic Pic: The Woodsman * * * *

Check out this week's movie review of The Woodsman with Kevin Bacon.

You Can Tell Their Stories

My Geek is amazing at finding the most obscure and interesting stuff on the internet. He managed to distract me for almost two hours one Saturday morning with a web site of old photos.

The host of the web site has several interests which include all kinds of photography. One of the things he does is develop the old film he finds in antique cameras. These mysterious lost old photos are what kept me occupied for so long.

It's mesmerizing to look through each photo and wonder who these people are, where they are now, and what the occasion was that prompted a Kodak moment. Click on a single picture and you can see all the photos he was able to develop off the roll of film found in that particular camera. My Geek has an old camera with an undeveloped roll of film much like the Pocket Kodak pictured here. We've always wondered what sliver of life is frozen in time on that celluloid cylinder.

Particularly fascinating are the 7 rolls of film from a 1940 Argus A. Are these from WWII in Europe?

My favorite picture is on a roll that appears to be a family vacation. Do these remind you of any of your family trips? Be sure and check out the little girl riding the tricycle. Priceless.

Are you having an artistic block? Visit this web site sometime and create the story behind these photos. It's irrisistable. (Be honest. Don't steal the photos. They are copyrighted.)

Willa's Flic Pic: Layer Cake

This week's review is the crime dramaLayer Cake.

Also, on the same page, check out My Geek's film pic's this week for crime drama's.

Boris Artzybasheff

M.C. Escher

James Montgomery Flagg

I love black and white art. The first medium I ever fell in love with was graphite. It is detailed and hazy, strong and gentle, and very convenient. Years later I was exposed to pen & ink. Some of my favorite black & white illustrators are M.C. Escher, James Montgomery Flagg and Aubrey Beardsley.

Aubrey Beardsley

Recently I learned about the illustrator, Boris Artzybasheff. Born in Russia, Artzybasheff came to the US after the Russian revolution and became the cover illustrator for Time Magazine from 1941 until his death in 1965. His work captivates me because it has a science fiction theme of merging humans and machines (which reminds me of H.R. Giger) and the first pieces I ever saw were in black & white.

A book of his work, As I See, can be purchased at Ken's Publishing.

Willa's Flic Pic: Equilibrium * * * 1/2

Check out this week's movie review of Equilibrium.

Linens Infused With Light

Rachel Wingfield and Mathias Gmachl have turned everyday linens into fine art by adding programmable light-emitting materials. These pillows, duvets, tableclothes and curtains have a beautiful glow. Learn more about them and where they can be purchased.

Willa's Flic Pic: Primer * * *

I've posted my first movie review over on DroolontheFrog for Primer. Check it out.

Movie Reviews

I've been planning a movie review blog for about six months. I've finally decided to get it started. I will be putting up reviews every Friday on my other blog, DroolOnTheFrog. Check out today's post where I talk about what I'll be reviewing and how.

Postmoderism and "The Da Vinci Code"

I didn’t think The Da Vinci Code was a good novel. There are some things that Dan Brown did very well but he did just as many things very poorly. He just happened to hit on the right combination of good and bad writing to make it a page-turner. I loved Mary DeMuth's post on authorial convenience. It's the same issue I have with the Left Behind series, The Lost World by Crichton (sequel to Jurassic Park) and Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card (sequel to Ender's Game) – the authors are preaching at me about one thing or another. If I want a sermon, I’ll go to church or listen to talk radio. When I pick up a novel, I want good characters and a story.

So why has The Da Vinci Code sold 40 million copies? There are a lot of reasons but I think what Brown did right was capitalize on the postmodern culture.

Ladies, don’t be fooled by this novel. Brown is no friend to women. In the beginning, he really plays up Sophie's independence and intelligence - until they get to Teabing's estate. Then she seems to lose all ability to reason and act on her own, buying anything the two men say and doing whatever they ask. I don't think Brown is an advocate for women. He basically condones sexual exploitation of women akin to temple prostitution! Ladies, it sounds noble but this is an old scheme used in the name of spirituality. I think Brown is a wolf in sheep's clothing where women’s issues are concerned.

In the story, I think it's fascinating that Teabing yanks out all these books to prove his point. Where do these come from? What's their validity? It's very pomo and very cunning by Brown. If it's written down, it must be true. I don't know how many times I've heard, "If it's on the internet, it must be true."

I've also wondered why homosexuals haven't come out against Brown. Basically, he says homosexuals cannot achieve spiritual enlightenment because they don't have sex with women. He never addresses gay sex but he makes it very clear that woman is key to spiritual fulfillment.

My friend, Erin, sent me a great article on the 10 mistakes Christians Make in the Arts. I saw a headline on The Drudge Report before the movie opened that Christians were boycotting the movie, which this article addresses. I'm torn. People think it's so noble that Islamists turn violent at any mockery of their god or physical scriptures. I think we should be offended at mockery and lies about our God but they are non-believers. And isn't our God and conduct more relational than the Islmist's are? Their god is not personal. God is in my heart not in print.

Last year my small group decided to discuss the historical and scriptural references made in The Da Vinci Code. The novel was having impact on the culture and we wanted to be able to discuss it. As a result, we were asked to present our material to the entire church. My topic was the reliability of scripture. But I find it much more important to get believers to understand how to communicate with their culture than in providing them with facts about their own gospel.

Christians see the opening of the movie as a great opportunity to discuss Jesus. It is but I urge you that the audience for this discussion is very small. The people open for this discussion are (1) Christians or believers in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob who's faith is shaken by this or (2) non-believers who accept this as their next spiritual guide.

The audience for this discussion is not simply everybody who goes to see the movie or reads the book! When my unchurched, postmodern friend heard we were doing a study at church about the novel she said, "You guys are taking this way too seriously. It's just a novel." She's not your audience.

Not only is the audience limited, the Christians who are called to discuss this are limited. Only certain people are called to go to Papua New Guinea. I believe that My Geek and I are uniquely gifted for the multi-media/art based mission field. In one church group discussion about the novel, a guy spoke up and said we were wrong for purchasing Dan Brown’s book. I don't think this person is called to this mission field.

Here’s a question.

My lost friend asks me to go see the movie with him. I see it as an opportunity to have a spiritual discussion. Is it o.k. for me to see the movie?

My lost friend asks me to go to a strip club. I see this as an opportunity to talk about marriage, monogamy and sexual purity. Is it o.k. to go to the strip club?

What’s the difference, if any?

Rock On

I have no musical talent. I can't read music or play an instrument. It is a real stretch to say that I make "a joyful noise unto the Lord" when I sing. I have a great deal of trouble sorting out sounds. I am almost purely a visual learner. Don't tell me to remember something. If one of us doesn't write it down, I'll forget it before you can finish the sentence.

But I love music. It comforts me, it makes me happy and it helps me get through my work day. It's an art form that I couldn't live without. When I hear music, I hear evidence of the Creator. I can appreciate it but I'll never make it on my own. That's why I was fascinated by a recent article in WIRED magazine.

In the March issue Rachel Metz writes about some Princeton students who formed the Princeton Laptop Orchestra last fall. They connect their Macs to custom omnidirectional speakers to emulate a full-fledged philharmonic, electronica band, or jazz combo! Is it real art? Is it real music? I say, "Rock on geeks!"

Star Wars Meets Veggie Tales

If the Star Wars philosophy has always bothered you a bit, be bothered no more. Now Luke and Co. have morphed into Cuke; his sidekick, Chew-Broccoli; and master mentor, Yogurt. Yes, in true Veggie Tales fashion Luke and the gang have exchanged their talk of the force to talk of the farm. Check it out.

Once you have seen it, put your creativity to work and ask yourself this: What story that I've heard over and over can I re-tell in veggie or fruit form? Just keep in mind there's a reason Veggie Tales never had Jesus represented as a veggie. They reportedy had creative difficulties figuring out which one was worthy. (By the way, somebody should tell Larry that tomatoes are fruits.) Good call. Always good to show a little respect.

10,000 Hours

In a WIRED article entitled "Buddha on the Brain":

The Dalai Lama is here to give a speech titled "The Neuroscience of Meditation." Over the past few years, he has supplied about a dozen Tibetan Buddhist monks to Richard Davidson, a prominent neuroscience professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Davidson's research created a stir among brain scientists when his results suggested that, in the course of meditating for tens of thousands of hours, the monks had actually altered the structure and function of their brains.

This reminded me of Romans 12:2 that says:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I wonder if we, as Christians, were to spend thousands of hours meditating, what might happen?

Bezalel's Guild

Recently as I read Exodus, I was reminded of something in chapter 31 that every Christ-following artist can appreciate:

God had just given instructions for the tabernacle, and then he said this: "See, I have chosen Bezalel ... and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts--to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of craftsmanship. Moreover, I have appointed Oholiab ... to help him. Also I have given skill to all the craftsmen to make everything I have commanded you: the Tent of Meeting, the ark of the Testimony with the atonement cover on it, and all the other furnishings of the tent--the table and its articles, the pure gold lampstand and all its accessories, the altar of incense, the altar of burnt offering and all its utensils, the basin with its stand--and also the woven garments, both the sacred garments for Aaron the priest and the garments for his sons when they serve as priests, and the anointing oil and fragrant incense for the Holy Place. They are to make them just as I commanded you."

Here's what I love about this: Moses and his siblings weren't the only ones filled with the Spirit; it wasn't just the leaders or the speakers whom God used. He also filled the artists so they could practice their crafts to His glory. Tentmakers. Stonemakers. Weavers. Incense workers. To all of these God gave skill.

God seems to have done something similar in you who have sent files for the art gallery. We can see how you've interacted artistically with the truth in God's Word and through your craftsmanship we get a glimpse of His glory. Surely the Spirit of the Lord is in this place.

Great Resource for artists

One evening when my Oregonian mother was visiting me in Dallas, we stopped channel surfing when we saw a guy playing "the aquarium section" at a symphony performance. If you've seen Sandra Bullock's character in Miss Congeniality play the musical water glasses, you know the sort of "instrument" I'm talking about. (I have since learned that the musician, Jamey Turner, is called a "glass harpist.") Mom and I stopped and watched what turned out to be a great television program. It was the broadcast of a Catholic Communications production titled, "Creativity: Touching the Divine." We later tracked it down for purchase. Since then I have shown it every time I've taught Christian Journalism at Dallas Seminary (four or five years).

The fim explores "the universal virtue of creativity ranging from the fine arts to daily living." It was my first introduction to Frederick Hart, the sculptor responsible for the creation scene over the doors of the Washington National Cathedral, where I try to go once every holiday seaon. It also includes Madeleine L'Engle, whose book A Wrinkle in Time had a profound impact on my imagation in the sixth grade.

Have a look. If you love the marriage of faith and art, you'll find yourself savoring a feast.

Science is Art II

"Microchip engineers may not seem like creative types, but they've been quietly using silicon as a canvas for decades. When magnified 1,000 to 5,000 times, some semiconductors reveal tiny works of art etched there by their makers." - START, etchings, Todd Jatras, December 2005.

Chipworks is an engineering firm that has collected these disappearing little art forms and put them in a gallery on their web site. There's everything from animals to fictional characters to messages. Ghost in the machine?

I remember back in the 80's typing out an image of the robot from "LOST IN SPACE" in the comment lines of my code (pre emoticon days).

People just can't help but be creative.

Science is Art

I will never be able to get away from being a geek. And I love seeing how my scientific and mathematical background influences and enhances my art.

I'm a huge fan of Project Runway, a reality show on Bravo. It's somewhat like American Idol. They find 16 aspiring fashion designers to compete for a big break in the design world. This season there is a geek, Diana, competing and I love it! She has a beautiful, unique artistic style and frequently incoroporates technology. I don't think she'll win but she is gathering a fan base through the message boards.

In the October issue of WIRED magazine, you'll find an article on the first Art of Science Competition at Princeton University. The challenge was bold: "Science Is Boring. Art Is Stupid. Prove Us Wrong." The results are fabulous. Check it out.

Food is Art

Look at this little slide show of new, unique food presetation techniques. Beautiful, creative, yummy.

What's better than art and coffee! Check out the fabulous art on The Newtown Coffee Company packaging. The names of these coffees remind me of the new Coffee Cup Bible Study Series coming out by Sandra Glahn (AMG Publishers). Pass a biscotto.

Creativity Makes Us Human

Recently I've seen three very different movies whose underlying message is "creativity makes us human": Unleashed, Equilibrium, and The Shawshank Redemption.

Equilibrium is set in a future society run by a fascist government that has made all emotion illegal. In order to uphold this law, anything that evokes emotion is considered contraband. This includes all forms of individual expression such as music, art and literature. The greatest enforcer of the law becomes the savior of the resistance after encountering Mary. She questions the purpose of his existence and declares life without emotion "is just a clock... ticking".

In Unleashed a boy is raised as a dog. And not just any dog but a dog specifically trained to fight and kill. Like a dog, he does not question his owner or his purpose. He is obedient and appears to be without conscience - until he hears music. This, as well as the kindness of a stranger, awakens something in him. Suddenly he encounters his humanity and begins to desire it, especially through music and love.

My favorite example of the connection between humanity and creation is The Shawshank Redemption. The majority of this movie is set in Shawshank Prison in the 1940s. The existence of these men is brutal and base. This is sharply contrasted in several key scenes with some form of beauty: literature, opera, sculptures, financial savvy and Rita Hayworth! The narrator, Red, describes these moments as hope, being like free men, and "being the lords of all creation".

Creativity is a part of what every human is. It is a part of our nature. We are naturally creative! In these movies, it took an entire prison system and a dictator govenment. In the real world the prince of lies is our oppressor. He hates creativity above all things and seeks to destory it. One of his lies to us is that we are not creative. What a thief he is, stealing what is righfully ours.

Do you know of any other movies that express this same theme? Maybe even a novel? Let me know.

"The Sovereign God Controls Even the Pur"

This is one of the "Play Your Hand" questions for Esther Lesson #3.

Haman tossed the purim to determine the best time to slaughter the Jews in Persia. Perhaps he thought the timing was best left to chance. He played the odds. Or maybe he believed that his pagan gods would direct the pur to land on the most auspicious date for a mass murder.

Have you ever made a decision by "tossing the pur?" When I was a kid, I used to pitch wads of paper at the trash can in my room to determine if I ought to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a burrito for lunch. (As though the mighty God of the Paper Wad had a message for me regarding my destiny at the lunch table.) My brothers and I spent huge amounts of time calling "heads" or "tails" as we flipped nickels into the air. I played "Engine Engine Number 9" and "Eeny Meeny Miney Moe" on the playground to figure out which square I got in the four square game. M.A.S.H. games on the classroom chalkboard would tell who I was going to marry and how many kids I'd have. Cootie catchers and jump rope songs. If you think back over your own life, I'm sure you'll come up with a surprising number of ways in which you innocently played the odds regarding the small matters of life.

As I've gotten older and grown in my Christian walk, I hope I can say that I no longer rely on luck and chance to determine my direction in life. My faith has become, well, faith. I trust in more than a flipped nickel or a rhyming playground song. Or a ballot with a dangling chad. Or a medical test with a small margin of error. Or an insurance policy. Or the new study that says eggs are bad for me. Or the other one that says an egg is the healthiest thing I could ever hope to eat. (So which is it, guys?!)

"Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. And we were saved in this hope, for hope that is seen is not hope, for why does one still hope for what he sees? For if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance." Rom. 5:5 and 8:24-25
This is Paul's winding and wordy way of saying that we live our lives by faith in Christ rather than by faith in the "pur". As Christians, we ought to place no stock in what is seen in this world. Our circumstances, the "proofs", the wisdom of men, the lab's test results, the tally at the end of election day... it is all destined to lead us astray and to disappoint. But if we put our hope in the things we will not see until the great hereafter, we are guaranteed not to be disappointed. There are so many things in this life that clamor for our trust and hope. So many things that look trustworthy. Worthy of the investment of our heart and soul.

Haman trusted in the purim he tossed that day. We are trusting in the sovereign God who's hand controls even Haman's purim.

Clay Pots

I was admiring the new paint job in my niece's room when my eye caught on what looked like a newspaper clipping. Something about it looked familiar, so I moved closer to see it. Suddenly, I realized it was a short piece I had written for the magazine I edit. I didn't even know my niece read that magazine!

As I scanned the clipping, I realized why it was meaningful to her--probably for the same reason its truth had been meaningful to me. During a time in my life when I really wondered why God should use me despite my failures, I compiled a list of imperfect people God used greatly. Esther wasn't on that list, but she could have been.

If, like me, your prayer life isn't what it should be, you can't seem to stay away from chips, and you wish you were more patient with the people you love, know you're far from being beyond "usability." Here's my list:

Noah got drunk.
Abraham lied about his wife.
Jacob was a swindler.
Moses stuttered.
He also had a short fuse.
Hosea’s wife was a prostitute.
David committed adultery.
Solomon had a bunch of wives.
The woman at the well had a bunch of husbands.
Naomi was a widow.
Sarah was too old.
David was too young.
Peter was afraid of death.
Lazarus was dead.
Miriam was a gossip.
John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
Jonah ran away from God.
Thomas doubted.
Jeremiah got depressed.
Elijah got burnt out.
Martha was too busy.
Timothy had stomach problems.
John Mark was rejected by the apostle Paul.
Moses was a murderer.
So was David.
So was Paul.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” 2 Corinthians 4:7

Can you think of others? If so, add them!

For further study: Dr. Tom Constable, a professor at Dallas Seminary, has compiled extensive notes on the Book of Esther. He makes his notes available online for free. You can access the .pdf file by following this link: Constable notes

Dirty Little Secret

Check out the music video by The All American Rejects called "Dirty Little Secret". Throughout the video people hold up SPS-like cards with their dirty little secrets written on them. It's really wonderful.

If you have a Yahoo! account, you can also see it here.

If you have an AOL account, you can also see it here.

What kind of man was he?

With the recent kickoff of our new SoulPerSuit study on the book of Esther, I've been interested in the character of King Xerxes.

I don't know about you, but personally, I am pretty intimidated by the image that comes to mind when I read, "... Xerxes ruled over 127 provinces stretching from India to Cush. At that time, Xerxes reigned from his royal throne in the citadel of Susa... He gave a banquet for all his nobles and officials. The military leaders of Persia and Media, the princes, and the nobles of the provinces were present. For a full 180 days he displayed the vast wealth of his kingdom and the splendor and glory of his majesty..." "When these days were over, the king gave a banquet, lasting seven days, in the enclosed garden of the king's palace, for all the people from the least to the greatest, who were in the citadel of Susa."

I think Xerxes' little "fete" had its desired effect- if I am awed and intimidated 2,500 years later, imagine what his invited guests were thinking! I'd venture to say they got his message loud and clear... To the outposts and foreigners: "Mess with Xerxes and you'll get this entire arsenal knocking on your city gates!" To the people in his own backyard: "He's so kind and generous for rolling out the red carpet to little 'ol us, why would we ever want to disobey his commands?" The guy could really work the political spin.

Xerxes appears to be a generous soul who doesn't mind dipping into the treasury here and there to make sure his name is promoted and the underlings know their proper places. He hands his good buddy, Haman, the royal line of credit to do whatever Haman wants. It's only money. No questions asked. Not even ONE. (Shoulda asked at least ONE question, Xerxes!) He seems to appreciate the finer things of life- throwing sumptuous parties, accumulating a harem of women that spend an entire year making themselves beautiful before they can even enter his presence... And he likes to show off all that wealth and finery as well- just ask his party guests and Vashti about that.

But here's what gets me about Xerxes. For all of his generosity, for all of his appreciation of beauty and wealth, for all the might and power of his kingdom, for all the qualities he displays that make him the KING he is, the guy can't seem to make a decision on his own.
Now, I know it's common practice for leaders to surround themselves with a cabinet of experts or a group of advisors, but King Xerxes takes it to a new level.

The water begins to boil when Xerxes gets into a tiff with his Queen. "What should I do about it boys?" (Well, um, she's YOUR wife. And you DID ask her to leave her own party and her own guests (very bad form) so she could come to your party and parade around for your guests (even worse form). His "boys" easily convince him to send her away- a decision Xerxes later regrets.
Next, as he begins to re-think things, ("I'm lonely. I miss Vashti. What should I do?") he listens to some more advice from his "boys" to find a bunch of beautiful young virgins. Gosh, they're really looking out for their king, aren't they?


Then Haman decides he has a bone to pick with a guy named Mordecai, who is "of a certain race."

Haman: By the way, King, there are these people living amongst us who are really weird. They're not normal. Oh, and they don't obey Your Regalness' commands either. We're really better off without this certain race, so if you'll just give me the royal credit card, I'll see to it that they're wiped out. You won't have to worry about a thing.

Xerxes: Hmm? Yeah, ok. If that's what you think we ought to do. My wallet's on the nightstand.


Next, Xerxes wants to honor Mordecai for an old favor. So to Haman, he asks, "What should be done for someone who has found favor with the king?" Xerxes can't decide how to say "Thanks buddy, I owe ya one."


* Finally, we have the ONE decision credited to Xerxes, and it's one we have to applaud him for. * When Xerxes discovers that "the certain race" Haman has plotted to kill is the Jews and then connects the dots to discover that his lovely Esther is a Jew, Xerxes shows his kingly quality, immediately seeing his "friend" for what he is, and decides Haman's fate- death. (Although the poetic justice of hanging Haman on his own gallows must be credited to a palace servant.)

The story wraps up with Xerxes telling Esther and Mordecai to "write another decree in the king's name on behalf of the Jews as seems best to you, and seal it with the king's signet ring." Another example of Xerxes' decision making. Or lack thereof.


Taking this cross-section of Xerxes' life brings up many questions for me. It's easy to fault him for being a spineless leader, a doormat or an extreme phlegmatic, but I think it'd be better to take a lesson from him and examine my own life.

- Do I go through life with decisiveness and direction?
- Do I know the laws by which I am supposed to govern "my kingdom"? And the laws I am subject to? (King Xerxes should have known the laws of his land. In fact, a major requirement for Jewish kings-in-training was to sit and copy the Law over and over again so they knew it inside and out.)
- Can I deal with marital conflict (my "king") without running to Oprah or Hollywood to tell me how to handle it?
- How attentive am I to my children (my "subjects") and the direction of their hearts?
- Is my "advisory cabinet" composed of people, books, movies, websites and music that spur me on to love and good deeds?
- Can I manage my household (my "riches") in a way that honors God through what He has provided? Do I flaunt my "riches"?
- Am I equipping myself to make righteous decisions?

In the end, I hope my reputation won't be one like Xerxes'. "Yeah, Erin, she was a great gal. But she couldn't direct her life out of a paper bag."

The Beauty and the Knight

I just started reading "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge. It is the feminine companion to "Wild at Heart" which is about the true nature of men. I read "Wild at Heart" and knew that I would buy "Captivating" without skipping a beat. One benefit I have gained from the books is a better understanding of my husband.

I am an "A" type personality. I make lists and think it is a good day when I get things done. One of the "tasks" my husband often asks me to do is to "just be there". This has never made any sense to me. When he took over doing the bills, I asked how I could help out.

"Just sit here with me."

"What do you want me to do?", I'd ask.

"Nothing. Just be there.", a response that did not compute.

One of the things I learned from Eldredge is that men need a beauty to rescue. I am My Geeks beauty. (Everyday that we've been married, he has told me he loves me and that I'm beautiful. Everyday. (You have my persmission to swoon. Guys, you have no idea what this does for a woman.) Men also need a battle to fight. Unfortunately for my husband, there's no chance that he'll get to liberate Scotland or rescue me from a foreign governement so his battles are bills or unclogging dranes.

So I'm learning to be the beauty. The other day our bicycles needed a tune up. He pulled the bikes into the yard, uncoiled the hose and pulled out as many tools and chemicals as he hoped were necessary. I felt guilty that he would be doing this by himself.

I should contribute, "Do you want some help?", my toned down version of "give me something to do".

"No. But you could come sit outside so I can look at you." Swoon.

So as he enjoyed flexing his masculine muscles for the beauty, I enjoyed watching his battle with grease and gears. I was quite sad when he had finished.

Spiritual Content

Have you noticed the increase in the number of supernatural television shows? Premiering just this season are:

• Invasion - After a devastating storm, a small Florida town faces alien mysteries in its midst. (ABC)


• Threshold - After an alien craft lands on Earth, a team of specialists is recruited to respond. (CBS)


• Surface - Humans freak out as a new form of sea life appears in locales all over the Earth. (NBC)


• Supernatural - The Winchester brothers battle evil forces on America's back roads in their '67 Chevy Impala.


• Night Stalker - Reporter Carl Kolchak travels the country solving unexplained phenomena and deaths. (ABC)


• Ghost Whisperer - Newlywed Melinda Gordon communicates with the spirits of the dead to help them cross over. (CBS)

Returning from last season are:

• Medium - Allison Dubois uses her psychic abilities to help the D.A. solve crimes. (NBC)


• Lost - Several castaways are stranded on a mysterious island after a violent plane crash – but they are not alone. (ABC)


• Charmed - Three witch sisters continually save the world and each other from evil. (WB)


• Smallville - The beginnings of Superman when he was just trying to live as Clark Kent. (WB)

And this is just on network television.

We’re steeped deeply in a postmodern culture that considers itself very spiritual. Take a look at these and see what the world considers spiritual. What’s your answer to each?

What I Seek First

The key verse for my study this week in "Frazzeled Female" is Matthew 6:33:

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.

The author is using each lesson to reveal what I'm preoccupied with instead of the Kingdom of God. My unhappiness at work and bad attitude are leading to sin (short temper, foul language, gossip) because I let it take priority. Recently I got a real clear example of where the Kingdom ranks in my life.

I ran to the gas station at lunch to buy me some potato chips (I love potato chips). On my way to the car, a guy got my attention. He was rough looking and I knew he was begging for money. He was very creative - he carried a bible as a prop.

"Ma'am. Ma'am. I'm here from Myrtle Beech and I'm waiting for my aunt to pick me up. I know I'm in a bad part of town but I'm just hungry. If you could help. I was down at the church..." blah, blah, blah.

I know my husband would not be happy that I even stopped to give this guy the time of day. But I immediatly opened my wallet. Besides my valuable debit card, I had very little cash. I gave him everything I had and told him "none of that matters, here."

While quickly moving to get into my car, without halting a step, I asked him if he read that book he was holding and he said, "Oh, yes ma'am. I ... " the traffic hopelessly drowned us out. I had barely bounced into my seat, even before I closed my door, I thought, "You know I should have opened that bible up and read him John." It wasn't 3 seconds after turning my back on him that I thought of this but he was long gone.

After.

I thought of it after.

I thought of the Kingdom after, "I've got to get into the car", after "I've got to get back to work", after "This will be too messy."

The opportunity for that guy is lost forever to me. I hope that the lesson is not.

Are you just a mother? Then what am I?

I started a new bible study Sunday night. It has an amazing turn out - over 30 women! I'm not really surprised. The topic is "Frazzled Female". To start our first meeting, we went around the circle and introduced ourselves.

"Hi. I'm Anna Bell and I have 2 children and 8 grandchildren." <warm applause and reverance>
"Well, I'm Marie and I have teenagers!" <laughter and smiling groans>
"I have a son and a husband. That's it. That's my life." <giggles and nodding heads>
"I'm Martha and I'm the mother of a newborn." <cheers and welcome to the club>

On and on it went. 30 women. And they all said the same thing. I'm a mother. At each introduction, the group would laugh, encourage, moan, reminisce. There were even two women selected to team teach because they represented different stages of experience in mothering.

I started to cry. I didn't want to introduce myself. I can't stand the blank stares. It's like I'm some unknown beast they aren't sure is safe.

<trying to be funny>"Hi. I'm Rhonda and I'm a geek and a sugar momma." <awkward silence>"I'm putting my husband through school." <acknowledged laughter>

Why was I so sad? It is not because I wish I were a mother. I am not a mother by choice. But it was because I was an outsider. They were all mothers and nothing else. I felt utterly alone.

I go to women's functions in hopes of meeting new people and maybe finding a new friend. But it's a real struggle because there are very few women who maintain any sort of adult identity outside of being a mother. And if "that's it", if that's their life, they don't have a need for a relationship with someone like me.

I think it's completely natural for people to group themselves according to interests or commonalities. Motherhood is a major grouping and it is vitally important that mothers have a support system. But I know these women have interests of their own that they seem to be denying. They are interested in art or books or movies or politics or writing or bicycling or some other adult thing.

I know a couple of mothers who have worked hard at keeping an adult identity. And they are better mothers, wives and friends for it. They are multifaceted - in full bloom. But they are RARE! It's hard to find women who have read something besides "Goodnight Moon" or seen something besides "Larry-Boy and the Rumor Weed" or get their current events from someone besides Oprah.

I will never understand what it is like to be a mother. I admit that. But I also know that motherhood is not the definition of "woman".

Is there such a thing as a secular heart?

A reader's editorial in the New York Times, August 17, titled "Touch of Grace", praised the "startling and luminous" underserved gift of Ms. Victoria Ruvolo.

"It happened when Ryan Cushing, a 19-year-old charged with assault for tossing a turkey through a car windshield last fall, approached the driver he nearly killed, Victoria Ruvolo. Ms. Ruvolo, 44, suffered severe injuries and needed many hours of surgery to rebuild her shattered facial bones."

Remember this one? To my knowledge, the trial didn't make near as much news as the accident did. However, it made an impact on the writer of the editorial. But I wonder if he/she is denying the true impact it had.

"Mr. Cushing was one of six teenagers out for a night of joy riding and crime, which often happens when childish aggression and stupidity merge with the ability to drive and steal credit cards. The five others have pleaded guilty to various acts like forgery and larceny, but Mr. Cushing, who threw the turkey, could have faced 25 years in prison. At Ms. Ruvolo's insistence, prosecutors granted him a plea bargain instead: six months in jail and five years' probation."

"That is true. But Ms. Ruvolo's resolute compassion, coming seemingly out of nowhere, disarmed Mr. Spota and led to a far more satisfying result."

"Many have assumed that Ms. Ruvolo's motivation is religious. But while we can estimate the size of her heart, we can't peer into it. Her impulse may have been entirely secular."

Is it possible for this type of impulse to be "secular"? If you believe we are spiritual beings as well as physical, wouldn't this impulse come from the spirit part of us? I believe that the world is constantly confusing the physical and spiritual. If, in the operating room, you were to hold a human heart in your hand, there is no part that you can physically point at and say, "There is compassion."

And why deny the spirit? I think the use of the word "religious" in the editorial is revealing. It's a negative word in our postmodern culture. But look at all the spiritual words the editorialist uses. If the he/she is not "religious" and Ms. Ruvolo is not "religious", their actions and words show evidence, at least, that they are spiritual beings.

"Given the opportunity for retribution, Ms. Ruvolo gave and got something better: the dissipation of anger and the restoration of hope, in a gesture as cleansing as the tears washing down her damaged face, and the face of the foolish, miserable boy whose life she single-handedly restored."

Introducing Queen Esther

One of the comments we received as part of the lament study was that after so much lamenting, one also feels the need to praise--to notice the divine, the glorious, and celebrate it. Weeping and rejoicing need each other.

For this reason we plan to launch a new study soon that focuses on the Book of Esther. Her story helps us look for God's invisible hand which, we discover with a little bit of black dusting powder, leaves lots of fingerprints.

Frankly, Esther has a few things in common with "Miss Congeniality." (Go with me on this.) I admit to loving that movie--as do most of the girls in my extended family. Call us shallow, but we love to get together to watch Sandra Bullock morph from a clumsy FBI agent with scary eyebrows and nasty hair into an undercover (and believable!) beauty pageant contestant. Subplot: Bullock's character starts out thinking pageants reduce females to their various parts (bad) but ends up believing pageants are positive exercises that emphasize the whole woman—including brains and talent (good).

What do you think of beauty pageants? Do you lean toward the agent’s “before” or the “after” assessment? What you think of beauty pageants might have some bearing on how you interpret Esther chapter one. Esther is the heroine of the pro-pageant group; Vashti is the heroine of the anti-pageant group.

The “Esther group” tends to see in the text of Esther 1 a great example of the need for wifely submission. The “Vashti group” tends to champion women’s rights. They see Vashti’s actions as good in refusing to allow her husband to degrade her.

Frankly, both approaches miss the mark. Esther 1 about marriage? Come on! Making a case for feminism? Naw. The story isn't even about beauty pageants. Such topics are bunny trails. The text doesn’t focus there, nor should we. If we take such approaches to “applying” Esther, we miss the point.

Here’s why I think it happens. The inductive Bible Study method (observe, interpret, apply) is quite good and a popular approach to studying God’s word. It's a particularly fine approach to studying New Testament epistles. Our method must change a bit, however, when we approach Esther and other narratives (stories): we must consider larger blocks of text at one time to find the application the author intended.

Think about what would happen if we drew conclusions about Goldilocks before we knew that the family came home. Drawing application after reading that she fell asleep might leave us with strange principles drawn from the story (e.g., Eating something hot, cold, and just right can make you drowsy). Hmmm. Chances are slim that the application we’d take away would be the one actually intended by the author.

The danger with Esther, then, is to look at a king giving orders to his wife and at her refusal to comply, and then to make any sort of application from that information. The author doesn’t tell us whether the king was wrong or whether his wife was wrong. And it’s probably for good reason: that’s not the point. Such information is merely background info that lays the groundwork for telling us how Esther got where she did.

And therein lies the comparison with "Miss Congeniality." Bushy-browed undercover agent becomes believable pageant contestant; little no-name orphan girl becomes the Queen of Persia. It's all about the big reversal of events. And in the case of Esther, you-know-Who was the one working undercover.

After we read the entire biblical story, we get the point the author is making: The God of Israel shows loyal love time and again to His covenant people; the Almighty Lord is sovereign in all His dealings; and the Lord of providence kindly cares for His people despite their disobedience.

All of this is still true of Him today.

He loves us.
He is in control.
He cares about us, no matter what we've done.

If it's been a while since you created anything artistic in response to Truth, consider making a card that focuses on the unseen hand at work, on providence, on God's protection despite how things appear. Maybe you are the star of a pageant that focuses on spiritual beauty--not because of your own merit, but because of a transformation that has happened to you on the INSIDE.

Why rejoice when life is so hard? We were once lost, but now we are are found! Our names are written in the Book of Life. We were once lonely orphans, but we have been adopted by the King!

For example...

This past weekend in North Carolina, in the wee-hours of the morning, four teenagers were involved in a car crash. A 17 year old and 15 year old died. The two 16 year olds sustained injuries. They were not wearing their seat belts.

This morning on a local talk radio show, a caller said that it is state law that a teen cannot drive a car at night without an adult. They also cannot drive with more than one other minor in the car without being accompanied by an adult. If we would just follow the law, these teens would not die.

So if we make enough laws, no one will ever die tragically? needlessly? too young? before their time?

The Way It Is

World magazine is a fabulous weekly news magazine written from a Christian perspective. If you've never heard of it, please visit their web site.

On Jan. 22, Gene Edward Veith wrote an article called "Tsunami atheism" explaining how a massive tragedy like the tsunami isn't evidence against there being a God. He says, "... such horrors should awake us to our condition."

Decay is the way that it is. It's our condition. Absolutely everything in, of and on the earth is decaying and is in a constant state of decay. In our daily routine, our efforts are used to manage decay so that it is less obvious and intrusive. Every year or so we have to paint the house; every week we have to dust, do the laundry, and throw out rotting food. We don't think of this as decay, we call this life! But it is far from it.

Life is the way it was suppose to be. God created beauty and life... and choice. He did not create decay. Where do you think your laments come from? You are lamenting decay. Look back over your laments and find the decay.

Over Coffee

Almost every Saturday morning I meet my sister, Fairy, for coffee. I enjoy this more than I could possibly say. Our lives are more parallel now than they've ever been. We talk about a million things but recurring themes are about the health and relationships in our personal, work, married and spiritual lives. Every week we are battling some new (or same-old) issue in these areas. How does our culture dictate or define these areas of our lives? How do we maintain control, faith or perseverance? Why are we so tired and have so few friends? Etc.

The topic of the next SPS study is Decay. This is a topic I’ve been exploring since April 2001. Fairy and I (FaI) have discussed it several times. I don’t have a SPS definition for Decay yet but I’d say it is the state of our existence (some might say “sin nature”; “in this way death came to all men, because all sinned” Rom 5:12). When FaI try to get to the heart of some of our difficulties and struggles, we often find ourselves discussing decay. Now I’m generalizing so don’t extrapolate too much. I firmly believe in personal responsibility and accountability (choice). When you are served decay how should you respond? How do you respond?

My sister and I have decided to collaborate on this topic and I will be using this blog for our working notes. Along with what decay is and how we deal with it, there will probably be discussions about our postmodern culture, relationships and how we do church – or whatever it is we discuss over coffee that day. As a bonus, maybe it will also be provocative for you and give you an interest in the next SoulPerSuit.

Today, FaI were all over the board but non-romantic relationships were a common thread. Why do we avoid relationships? It’s fascinating, really. If you were to ask anyone I’m sure they would say they want relationships and that they, in fact, are lonely and sad that they don’t have more ‘friends’. We didn’t conclude anything unique. We avoid relationships out of fear or we fail because of the lack of opportunity, which is to say we’re too busy.

Let’s ask another question. If you are going to serve or minister to your fellow man, do you have to have relationship with him (i.e. personal knowledge or contact) or does relationship partly the definition of service? I believe that it is.

So what is service without relationship? A program, a commodity, an assembly line or just plain busyness.

One of the biggest complaints from women today are that they are too busy or that they’re always tired (same thing). One of the common laments is the lack of relationship. Our busyness is a way of avoiding relationships! Do you see how we’re going in circles here?

Relationships are more important than programs. That includes the youth program, the women’s program, the men’s program, or a million other things we consider “good” or “godly”. “ ³And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” 1 Cor 13:3 We might use these programs to attract those we want to serve but it should be a means to an end, not the end itself. People want relationships. If we simply serve a buffet of programs what prevents them from going to another buffet? A better program? No, a relationship.

And if all this busyness is preventing us from having relationships with each other, what do you think it's doing to our relationship with God? Now you can extrapolate.

How Great Is Our God

My three most recent cards have dealt with my own journey of faith in Christ. They are a glimpse of the key times in my life when I came to a deeper understanding of God. There is no way I could ever plumb the depths of our Great God, but I tried to capture a little bit of it. Unbeknownst to me, my daughter was capturing a glimpse of our Great God through my cards as well. My cards about MY journey, were helping her on HER journey.

Ellie is the type of kid who thinks outside the box from the moment she wakes up in the morning. She is the one that is most likely to embarass me, anger me, make me laugh so hard I cry, and make me really cry- all in the span of five minutes. She fancies herself an artist, and truth be told, she has a real knack for grasping some pretty nebulous ideas. My husband has dubbed her, The Philospher. Embracing life with creativity and flair is Ellie's cup of tea. Have I ever mentioned that she has a will like a Barcelona bull? ;)

Ellie, the artist, ambled into the computer room one day as I had my SPS cards spread out beside me. She has always been interested in my "card art project," as it is known around here, and she often interviews me about whatever card I happen to be working on at the moment. I was busily typing my explaination for I Was Without (www.soulpersuit.com/lw_e_without.htm), when she peeped over my shoulder. "Hi Mama. What are you doing? Is that Anna? And why is she on the moon?"

She picked up another one, http://www.soulpersuit.com/we7_trip.htm
And another, (http://www.soulpersuit.com/lw_e_shag.htm)

Through the course of enjoying and explaining 3-4 of my SPS cards with Ellie, I was able to engage her in a way that was tailor-made to her sensitivites (creativity, art, symbolism). And discussing my personal journey to God became a natural door to discussing her own journey to God. She's heard about Jesus in Sunday School, we talk on a daily basis about trusting Christ, she knows most of the"right" answers to all the important questions... but she hadn't made that leap of faith for herself. Ellie, and her will, were going to do it in her own time and in her own way. Before she was going to trust this Jesus-guy she still had questions she wanted answers to, concepts she hadn't nailed down, cogs and wheels in that little four year old brain that needed to be greased. I never imagined that Soul Per Suit would be that grease.

I was out of town last weekend at a wedding, and as Steve gave me "The Report" (ie: who ate their dinner, who scored a goal at soccer, what got spilled on the carpet- all the things that happened while I was gone), he tossed in... "Oh, and Ellie prayed to receive Christ last night."

I have no pithy ending for this blog entry. Just the words to the chorus we sang in church this morning,

How great is our God
Sing with me
How great is our God
And all will see how great
How great is our God

Life Happens (LH)

I’m sorry it’s been over a month since I’ve posted here. Encouragement and support are so important to the process of SPS. Without weekly meetings, seeing new information on the web site and frequent, “in touch” blog postings keep us connected and create our cyber community. For all my enthusiasm and intentions, I have not been able to do this, as often as I would like. I love doing the web site, the blog and SPS. I am a geek and artist and my essence yearns to spend my every waking moment getting all these great ideas out of my redheaded noggin onto the www.

(Now this is where I list all the LH events that have poked small little holes in the feeble wall holding my life together. Suddenly, you notice the water is above your knees and you’re asking yourself, “When did this happen?”)

I work a 40-hour a week job. Of course, this rarely means 40 hours. I spent a short time in Nashville when my mother was sick. She’s doing very well now, PG. My husband is in school and that puts a funny twist on things. I have relatives coming into town next week. And my own health issues are a constant. Of course, there’s always laundry, groceries, house cleaning, disabled cars, weddings, birthdays, funerals, hospital visits, church meetings, cooking, etc.

Despite all this, I’m determined to squeeze in a couple of good things like watching a movie with my husband, riding my bike, reading a magazine, praying, calling a friend, writing a note, or studying my bible. Doing this, though, resembles trying to shove one more pair of jeans into a washing machine that already has 20 pair in it. None of them get done well, I get stressed out trying to do it and everything has to be done all over again anyway.

My lament is the big “T”: TIME. Although I’m proud at how often I say “no”, even to little things, there’s never enough T. I remember when I was sitting in the airport waiting to catch my flight to Nashville. I had about an hour and I began to think of all the things I could get done in an hour if I were at home. But in an airport, it’s just T out the window.

I hadn’t heard from Sandi, our resident writer, in quite a while so I wrote to her the other night. I knew the signs and could predict the diagnosis: she was having a severe T deficiency. But I wanted her to know I was thinking about her and that she was missed. Her reply e-mail read like a lament so I asked her if I could copy it here:

I wonder how in the world I'm so swamped when I've signed up to do so little! I'm not writing a book. I'm teaching only one class. I'm not taking a class. I'm just reviewing Greek for my entrance exam. And I'm editing a quarterly magazine, which has been ridiculously complicated this time around.

I spent hours today online answering students' questions and entering grades. My husband was gone 4 days last week, so I was single parenting. On Thu my niece and her hubby fly in for 4 days. Some of my being swamped had to do with losing the motherboard on my computer and shopping, buying, waiting for, and installing everything for the new computer.

Anyway, I'm frustrated with what appears to be the complete inability to get ahead on anything. Part of it was that I had two interns signed up to help me this semester and then both ended up doing their own projects that took so much time they didn't have time to help me. So I was spending time supervising them and getting nothing in return--except two little certificates to a book store...

I know that Life is Happening for everyone. The good thing is that SPS is structured for when LH. Although meeting in person on a weekly or monthly basis might be more motivating, the web site is there all hours of the day and night. It’s never ahead of you or waiting for you to catch up. You can visit it when you’re in Nashville visiting your mother, when you’re over at a friend’s house, or when you’re at work. It meets you where you are. And it waits for you. I am committed to SPS and I will make sure that it is here for you on that day when you’re determined to squeeze in at least one thing for yourself.