I just started reading "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge. It is the feminine companion to "Wild at Heart" which is about the true nature of men. I read "Wild at Heart" and knew that I would buy "Captivating" without skipping a beat. One benefit I have gained from the books is a better understanding of my husband.
I am an "A" type personality. I make lists and think it is a good day when I get things done. One of the "tasks" my husband often asks me to do is to "just be there". This has never made any sense to me. When he took over doing the bills, I asked how I could help out.
"Just sit here with me."
"What do you want me to do?", I'd ask.
"Nothing. Just be there.", a response that did not compute.
One of the things I learned from Eldredge is that men need a beauty to rescue. I am My Geeks beauty. (Everyday that we've been married, he has told me he loves me and that I'm beautiful. Everyday. (You have my persmission to swoon. Guys, you have no idea what this does for a woman.) Men also need a battle to fight. Unfortunately for my husband, there's no chance that he'll get to liberate Scotland or rescue me from a foreign governement so his battles are bills or unclogging dranes.
So I'm learning to be the beauty. The other day our bicycles needed a tune up. He pulled the bikes into the yard, uncoiled the hose and pulled out as many tools and chemicals as he hoped were necessary. I felt guilty that he would be doing this by himself.
I should contribute, "Do you want some help?", my toned down version of "give me something to do".
"No. But you could come sit outside so I can look at you." Swoon.
So as he enjoyed flexing his masculine muscles for the beauty, I enjoyed watching his battle with grease and gears. I was quite sad when he had finished.
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2 comments:
I am totally in Esther mode right now, Rhonda. I just re-read this post and it struck me that you, in your role of "Beauty", were acting much like Vashti and Esther were no doubt expected to act. Just sit there and look ravishing. Watch me work my manly magic. Applaude and cheer at the appropriate times. Fix me a sandwich. Etcetera.
But, oh my, how Esther put on a Type A personality when the moment dictated! "Mordecai, rally the people. Tell every Jew to fast and pray. Even though I know I could lose my life, I'm risking it all and taking charge of things." Decisive. Instructive. Proactive.
When she finally had an audience with her hubby, she played the "beauty" role again... "Oh handsome King with big strong muscles, you're the only one who can rescue me (and my people) from utter destruction!" Ok, so she wasn't exactly play-acting. She really DID need to be saved. And he really WAS the only man that could do it. But it's interesting how there's that toggle between her Type A personality and the Beauty.
I think men need women to be both.
I think women need to learn to discern which one is appropriate at the right time.
Oh so true! My Type A personality isn't going anywhere. But I'm learning the balance. My Geek responds to Type A also - as long as I'm not trying to do his job for him.
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