It's wonderful how My Geek makes me feel safe. I'm a tough broad and can handle a lot (I think I can handle everything), but the biggest relief in my life has been to discover that I don't have to. Despite my tendency to control or force things in my life, he has insisted on wrestling from my hands the role of protecting our family. Once I began to release, I realized how tired and relieved I was.
Given the dangerous reality of our world today, we often talk about how to handle emergency situations. Many times while watching dangerous or threatening scenes in shows like "24", "Jericho" or "Lost", I'll ask him, "What should she have done?" or "What should I do if that happens to me?". One thing that I struggle with is doing what I'm told. I always think that I have a better way. My Geek is trying to get me to listen to him. "If I ask you to do something, please do it." I trust him implicitly but I'm still learning to let go. (I'm not about to admit I'm stubborn. He reads this blog.)
To my immense disappointment, I failed at a simple task the other day.
"Would you please go out to our providers web site and logon to my e-mail account."
Sounds simple doesn't it? But I didn't do what he said. Within 10 seconds I was already reasoning.
"I don't have to go out on to the web site. I can just bring up his mail account setup directly on my computer."
The second I clicked I knew why I had messed up but it was too late.
The technical aspects of this aren't important. What is important is that I realized I wasn't ready. I knew that if I had been Kate on "Lost" and Jack asked me to not follow him into the jungle, I would be just as stupid as she was and follow. (By the way, I'm the one yelling at the TV the loudest, "She's so stupid. Why doesn't she listen to him?")
This is the exact same problem I have with obeying God. He asks and I reason. "There is a way which seems right to a man…"(Prov 16:25). Most of this is connected with pride but some of it is personality. Either way, I need to renew my mind to learn to be obedient the first time.
(Please don't stretch this beyond what it is. My Geek is not training me to be a doormat and he's not a chauvinist. If you knew us you would know how ridiculous that is. He values and respects my contributions and intelligence. We've just agreed, in an emergency situation, someone has to be in charge and it is he.)