"I'm not a dirty player."

This weekend Tennessee Titan defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth was ejected early in the third quarter after he kicked Dallas Cowboy center Andre Gurode in the face (see story).

I find Haynesworth's comment about the situation highly amusing and very familiar.

"I apologize to Andre," Haynesworth said. "What I did was disgusting. It's something that should never happen. I mean, I'm not a dirty player. I don't play dirty. I have respect for the game. What I feel like is I disgraced the game, disgraced my team and disgraced my last name."

I hate to tell Mr. Haynesworth, but he is a dirty player. He may not have been before this incident. We'll never know. The thing is, he was capable of it and he finally let himself follow through.

When I was growing up there were the "bad girls". I was raised to believe these included girls who smoked, drank and had sex outside of marriage (a very legalistic viewpoint). No matter what I did, I convinced myself that I was not one of "them". But I regularly walked the line on these issues and sometimes plunged over it! You didn't needed instant reply to see the real truth in the lie I was telling myself but as long as I was the line judge, I could call it any way I wanted.

Then one day, like Haynesworth, it was evident for all to see. I wasn't a "good girl"; I was "the other woman". It's a horrible moment: to finally look into the mirror and call yourself what you are. But it's also the beginning, if you'll let it be. I knew my life had hit rock bottom and it was time to let God take over as line judge… and coach (only He can do both). I would give anything not to have that moment in my life but it's a reminder of what I'm capable of and how long and easily I can lie to myself.